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Jane is an 88-year-old lady who lives alone in a small block of four flats. Properties in the block are normally let to mature tenants. When the flat opposite became empty, a young lad, Lee, moved in. Jane’s concerns: Jane complained to her housing officer that Lee had lots of visitors and that the police often called to his flat. She said that he looked menacing because he had a shaved head, tattoos and a vicious dog. She did not think that Lee should have been given a flat in such a nice block, and anyway he was too young. She wanted him to be moved. Lee’s concerns: Lee complained that Jane was always looking out of her window, watching him come and go. It was his first tenancy and he did not want to lose it and felt that the council would believe Jane’s complaints because of her age and that she had lived there for a long time. The Mediation Process First Visits At first Jane did not want to meet Lee face to face, however, the mediators explored her concerns and gave her the confidence to do so. Lee welcomed the opportunity to meet with Jane as they have never previously communicated. Face-to-face meeting They met at a nearby community room. Lee explained that it was his first home of his own, and that he had recently been assaulted. His many visitors were his relatives helping him settle in, and the police called a number of times because Lee was helping them to take action against his attackers. Jane explained that she was very nervous living on her own and was scared of Lee and his visitors; she explained that she is regularly intimidated by similar looking youths who hung around the shopping precinct where she went to collect her pension. During the face-to-face meeting she realized that Lee was after all a nice lad and posed no threat. Lee understood why Jane was scared but reassured her that she had nothing to worry about. After the session the two became friends, Lee often running little errands for Jane and regularly walked to the post office with her to collect her pension. Mary & Joe Green live in a quiet cul-de-sac. They have two grown up children who have now left home. Their neighbour, Charmain, has lived next door for 8 years and she has two children, both boys, aged 12 & 13. There have been no previous problems between the families. Mary & Joe’s concerns: Their neighbour’s children are causing a nuisance; they throw rubbish and kick footballs into their garden and up against the fence. They also play football, with other children, in the street and nearby car park. Mary and Joe now objected to this because of the potential damage to property. They had, on a number of occasions, reprimanded one of Charmain’s sons because of his behaviour and in one particular incident Joe frog-marched the son back to his home to face his mother. Charmain’s concerns: She is a Single mother who is struggling to raise two very lively boys. Her neighbours allow her no privacy and the neighbours keep shouting at her children. When Charmain’s sons were young, Mary encouraged them to climb her fence to retrieve their ball. Mary also was quite protective/motherly towards them, however as they grew older, their activities often involved other children. Joe from next door dragged her son home complaining that he had been misbehaving. Her son was in a very distressed state and Charmain objected to this involvement with her son. Communication between the families had now completely broken down after a number of very heated exchanges and some police involvement. The Mediation ProcessFirst Visits Joe and Mary were willing to go to mediation; they wanted to tell Mary a thing or two about bringing up children. The mediators had to explain that the mediation process was not about imposing views and limits on people, more about listening and communicating. They would have an opportunity to put over their concerns. Charmain was reluctant at first, but was encouraged by the mediators who assured her that they would ensure that she was treaty fairly and that Mary and Joe would not be allowed to bully her. Face-to-Face meeting It was a very difficult and challenging meeting, there was a lot of anger, but both parties were able to express their concerns. However, a lot of useful information was exchanged and agreements were reached on most issues. Although too much had happened between them for the relationship to be fully repaired, channels of communication were restored as a means of dealing with any future concerns (Names have been changed to ensure anonymity).Stephen is 17 years old and presented for the third time in 12months as roofless to Housing Advice. He was asked to leave by his mom Julie and her Partner Aubrey due to his attitude. During the interview with the Housing Advice Officer, Stephen stated that one of the reasons for his behaviour is the anger he feels about being abused by his real dad when he was a child. He also witnessed his dad abusing his mom who eventually fled the family home due to domestic violence, taking the children with her. Following the interview with the Housing Advice Officer, Stephen was placed in a hostel overnight. The Housing Advice Officer discussed the case with the Crash Pad team and a decision was made that Stephen would be allocated a short term tenancy of up to 14 nights in the Crash Pad. Stephen was settled into the Crash Pad by a support worker and asked if he would speak with a mediator, this he agreed to do and also gave permission for a mediator to contact Julie and Aubrey. The mediator met with Stephen at the Crash Pad, it was a long and difficult meeting because Stephen found it very difficult to communicate his feelings to anyone. Eventually several issues were identified as being the main problems for the family relationship break down. Stephen gave permission for the mediator to speak to his family about the content of the meeting. The mediator made contact with and visited Julie and Aubrey. They were relieved that Stephen was getting support and help and discussed the issues raised by him and what effect it had upon them and their lifestyle. They also disclosed other areas of conflict that they felt had to be addressed before they could accept Stephen back into the family home. There were several meetings with both parties before a face to face meeting was held under the direction of two mediators. The main points of the agreement that was drawn up from the content of the face to face meeting are as follows: Stephen stated that he has difficulty in explaining how he feels and in expressing himself to others. He accepts that there are still some unresolved issues from when he was younger and his natural father abused him and his mother Julie. Stephen accepted that he was having difficulty in handling his acute feelings of anger and has agreed to be signposted on for professional help. His support worker was asked by the mediation service to explore this further on Stephen’s behalf. Stephen decided that he would like to move into independent, supported accommodation as soon as possible. He accepted that he needed help and support when this happens. Julie and Aubrey have agreed that they would like Stephen to remain in touch with the family and to visit when he wants to. It is unsure when a place can be found for Stephen in the type of accommodation that would best suit him. Housing Advice staff are working on his behalf to procure the accommodation best suited to Stephen’s needs as soon as possible. It is thought that this could take up to approximately 8 weeks, but it is equally possible that something might become available within a few days. Aubrey and Julie stated that they would not want to see Stephen without a roof over his head and offered him the opportunity to return to the family home for the short term. This offer was dependent upon Stephen abiding by the house rules and treating family members in a respectful manner. Stephen agreed that his behaviour and attitude had contributed to him being excluded from the family home. He accepted that if he were to be allowed to return home, whilst waiting for independent accommodation to become available, he would moderate his behaviour and show more respect for his family members. There was an issue raised by Stephen about him being treated like a child, not being allowed a key and having to be in by 10.00 p.m. at night. Julie and Aubrey explained that they were concerned when Stephen didn’t let them know where he was and that he may get hurt. They accept that Stephen is growing up and that a compromise could be reached about the time he comes home at night if he keeps them informed as to his whereabouts. All agreed that keeping in contact with each other is important and that the support of all of the family members for each other should continue. Everyone has accepted that Stephen will be returning home in the short term and will then move into independent accommodation. Other family members will continue to give support when Stephen moves out of the family home and Stephen will visit the family home regularly. Stephen can return to the Housing Advice office if he has any further queries. Stephen, Julie and Aubrey can contact the mediation service if they require any further assistance. The case was closed shortly after by the mediation team. Stephen remains on the housing waiting list and can call upon his support worker for assistance and advice for up to a maximum of 12 months. (Names have been changed to ensure anonymity).Kirsty is 17 and has a five week old baby. She has been asked to leave the family home by her mother Sarah following arguments between Kirsty and her younger sister Kate. The mediator held meetings with both Kirsty and Sarah separately to establish what the main issues and disagreements were on both sides. Both Kirsty and Sarah agreed to a face to face mediation with two mediators facilitating the meeting. This is a summary of a face to face meeting held between Kirsty and her mother Sarah. Kirsty has been told by her mother Sarah that she cannot return to the family home and that things would improve if she found alternative accommodation. The situation has arisen since Kirsty had her daughter 5 weeks ago. There are ongoing arguments between Kirsty and her younger sister Kate which are becoming more frequent. Sarah feels that she is being ‘held over a barrel’ being made to choose between her two daughters. There is always an atmosphere and the two girls are always sniping at each other. The arguments start over a variety of things, some are petty, like Kirsty helping herself to things that Kate has bought. There is a possibility that Kate has feelings of jealousy towards Kirsty and that she is under pressure from her peers at college. Sarah feels torn, she doesn’t want to fall out with Kirsty but she is in poor health and cannot cope with the situation as it is at the moment. She is experiencing blackouts which are under investigation by the hospital. Her condition makes it difficult for Sarah to have the baby in her sole care in case she suffered a blackout whilst holding the baby. Sarah wants to maintain contact with her daughter and to build on the close relationship they have always enjoyed. She will be willing to give support to Kirsty and the baby as and when they move into their new home. Kirsty accepts that her mom is in a very difficult situation and does not want to return to the family home whilst things are as they are. She wants to move into alternative accommodation with her baby. She is living with a friend at the present time and states that she is relieved to be living where there are no arguments. She says that she has always had a close but volatile relationship with Kate, but feels that Kate needs to accept the baby and to realise that Kirsty will always put her daughter before her sister. Kirsty wants to re-establish the relationship with her mother and would accept support and contact from her now and in the future. Both agreed to continue to see each other and to spend time together both at the family home and away from it. Kirsty will also visit the family home when Kate is there, for short spells to begin with, then building up slowly. Kirsty stayed with her friend for a short while and was then offered a Council property which she accepted. Her family continue to support her in her new home.
(Names have been changed to ensure anonymity).Donna is seventeen and has been excluded from the family home by her mother Betty. She has been in trouble with the police and is at present serving a reparation order following an assault on another female. Betty has the following issues with Donna’s behaviour:
What Betty thinks Donna might say about her: · She is always nagging · Has a go at her in front of other people
Betty thinks that the best solution to the problem would be for Donna to move out and have her own place. There are two other children, Billy age 8 who lives at home full time and David age 12 who lives part-time with his dad and part-time at home. There are no behaviour problems with Billy but David is starting to display the same behaviour as Donna towards Betty. Betty says she feels she wants to hurt Donna sometimes, that’s why she wants her to move out. When Betty felt threatened some months ago, she didn’t sleep in the house for approx 3 months, just visited sometimes during the daytime. Donna was left to look after the house, and to her credit did it very well. Since Betty has returned to the family home, Donna thinks the house is hers, does everything she wants, thinks she is the boss. 5/6 years ago Betty was in a relationship that became violent. Her boyfriend of that time physically abused Donna who was approx 12 at that time. Betty is moving to a house in another part of the Borough soon which is a 3 bed property. Her present boyfriend is moving from London with his 2 children to live with her. There will be 4 children excluding Donna living at the next address. This is another reason why it would be better for Donna to have her own place. Betty would support her in her own tenancy. Betty is not working at present but would like to go back to work soon. She realises there is a lack of communication between herself and Donna and would like to attend a Face-2-Face mediation session soon. Donna has the following issues with mother (Betty):
There are many references to things that happened in the past with mum’s ex-boyfriend Greg. He put a barrier in between us and made mom ‘cold hearted’ and turned her against me. He physically assaulted Donna. Donna was bullied at school and together with the problems she had at home, she ‘went off the rails’ has self-harmed and received counselling and psychiatric help. She is on a reparation order at present and was fined for assaulting a 23yr old female along with another person. Says mom might say this about her:
Donna says there is a lack of communication between herself and her mom. Mom is disappointed and scared about me going off the rails. I couldn’t think about anyone except myself because I was hurting so much. That’s how I retaliated because I could see how much he was hurting my mom. We need some way or some body to help us be honest but not to hurt each other. Likes new boyfriend – she’s got a good one there. He helps us out and lends me money, he’s a good man. I think mom should work at this one. I get on well with his two daughters, we are like sisters. I baby-sit for them sometimes but that is rare at the moment because they are saving for a holiday. Would like to have own place, mom has offered support. Have basic skills apart from paying the bills. We won’t argue so much and will get on better. Wants independence but would like to live with mom for 6mths or so until offered independent accommodation. Has placement for college sorted out and wants to stick at it. Donna says mom and her are both Virgo’s with the same temperaments, which causes clashes. She wants to go ahead with Face to face mediation meeting a.s.a.p. Another meeting was arranged in a suitable venue and was facilitated by two mediators. The meeting was difficult for both parties but they described to each other the issues they had, the effect they had upon them and their lifestyles and what they would like to change. Following full and frank discussions around all of their issues an agreement was reached about how they could move forward in a more positive way and to rebuild their relationship. Donna returned to the family home for a short period, completed her reparation order and has not re-offended to date. She was allocated independent, supported accommodation by the Youth Offending Service, which she accepted and mom Betty is supporting her and helping her to settle in and make it a comfortable home. The mediation case was closed shortly after and no further help has been requested.
Party 1 – Robin Robin is the deputy manager of a busy office ten members of staff, John his manager had been in place for three years when the department only initally had three members of staff. There has been a lot to learn and in the last twelve months the department has grown from three to ten. Robin has just appointed as deputy as he is under pressure from his boss to ‘deliver’. He has had a ‘run in’ with Sarah over her time keeping and has now noticed that she spends a lot of time gossiping with Jane and her work is not up to scratch. Party 2 – Sarah Sarah has worked for the company since she left school with a spell off to have her children. She had always enjoyed her job and she and Robin had always got on well working alongside each other, she has now seen Robin promoted to deputy manager. She admitted that she had been late the last couple of mornings but she had worked late to make it up but there was no need for Robin to fly off at her and now everything she did seemed to be wrong. Mediation The mediators saw Robin and Sarah separately to establish what was going on from their perspective. Robin felt that Sarah did not respect him and was always trying to undermine him in front of other staff. He felt that her time keeping set a bad example and every time he came into the office she was nattering with Jane. Robin was not happy with the standard of Sarah’s work which had deteriorated recently and he was having to double check what she had done. In some ways he felt intimidated by Sarah who had been there as long as he had and did know the job well but seemed to delight in showing him up. He had spoken to HR about perhaps moving Sarah and they had suggested mediation. He felt that Sarah was souring the office and he wanted to have a happy working environment for every one. Sarah was fed up with work and was considering leaving. Robin seemed to be always on at her she had never had any problems with him before he was promoted. She had been doing this job since she left school and knew it like the back of her hand. She might have been late a couple of mornings but her daughter had just moved back home having split up with her boyfriend and was suffering from depression. Sarah was desperately trying to get her daughter (Jenny) to go to work and pull herself together, however, her rallying of Jenny had made her late for work. She was finding it difficult to cope with Jenny’s depression and did not want people at work to know though that Jenny was depressed. She had confided in Jane whose husband had suffered in the past with depression. The mediators established what could be shared with each party and brought them together for a face to face. After setting the scene they empowered each side to explain to the other what they wanted and why they thought their relationship had broken down. They both accepted that they could have dealt with the situation differently and that there was actually quite a lot of mutual respect for each other. They ironed out their issues and drew up an agreement on how they would manage the future
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